All I Want
by GingerSm0ke
Summary: As the minutes ticked by, over an hour passed of Kuon just staring at the door. He begged with all his heart, willing to give his soul, for a beautiful, honey eyed women to suddenly burst in blushing and stuttering her apologies over being so late. - Inspired by the song "All I Want" (Kodaline). Rated T for Death.
1. Chapter 1

_It was her first movie co-staring with Ren. She was ever growing and absolutely loved by all. But of course she was still completely oblivious as to the person who loved her the most. _

_Stolen glances and shy smiles were constant between the two stars, both on and off set. _

_Everyone couldn't help but notice the helpless love Ren's eyes shone every time Kyoko would shyly look at her feet with a slight blush dusting her cheeks, or the soft touches when they conversed. _

_They had just wrapped up their last on location scene, which also happened to be their last scene for the movie, and many cheers and thank yous were going around._

_Ren changed back into his regular clothes and was coming out of his dressing room when he heard it._

_There was a loud screech as a car suddenly came speeding around the corner._

"_OH NO! THERE'S A KID IN THE ROAD!" Someone screamed._

"_LOOK OUT!"_

_It all happened so fast. Kyoko instantly leaped to action not giving it a second thought._

_More screams were heard as Kyoko pushed the child out of the way._

_Ren's entire world froze as he watched her fragile body fly through the air landing with a loud thud._

"_SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!" Came panicked voices._

_A loud buzzing sound coming from Ren's head blocked out all noises as he desperately raced over to the motionless figure._

_Everything moved in slow motion as he pushed through the crowd to get to her side._

_Everyone stood back speechless as they watch the frantic man who seemed nothing like the Tsugura Ren they knew kneel beside his beloved. _

_Blood seeped everywhere._

"_Kyoko." Ren whispered in a shaky voice, terrified as flashbacks assaulted his mind._

_Kyoko, who was just barely breathing, slowly turned her head towards the man she loved but was too scared to tell._

"_N-no Kyoko, don't move. It's okay. It's okay, help will be here soon. Just don't move."_

"_It's okay, everything is going to be okay." Ren, now Kuon, kept repeating as he gently moved her blood matted hair away from her face, and yelled for something to stop the bleeding._

_Kyoko slightly opened her mouth to say something but was cut off by violent coughs._

"_Shhhhh. It's okay. Just breathe"_

"_Everything's going to be okay."_

"_Just be still"_

"_It's okay."_

_Kuon continued to talk to her, his voice getting shakier with every word._

_Tears began to form in Kyoko's eyes as she gently reached up and touched Kuon's cheek._

_A small smile formed on her lips, as her eyes conveyed what they were never able to say to each other with words._

_She was the most beautiful thing Kuon had ever seen and tears pooled in his eyes as the fleeting moment slipped through his fingers and her hand slowly went limp._

"_No Kyoko..." He choked out as her eyes gently closed and the rising and falling of her chest ceased. _

"_NO!" He began shouting _

"_NO! You can't leave me!" He shouted even louder as he frantically began performing CPR._

"_I need you! You can't leave me!"_

"_Please, you just need open your eyes!"_

"_Please!"_

_His words were filled with fear and pain. Not even for a second did he stop the chest compressions. _

_Everyone stood frozen in shock. Tears were in their eyes as they just watched in devastation, heartbroken._

_No one dared to try and stop Kuon until the ambulance arrived, and even then it was reluctantly done._

"_Ren," Yashiro said with strain in his voice as he stepped forward. "You need to-" _

"_NO!" Kuon shouted, cutting him off. "Come on sweetheart. Please open your eyes. Don't leave me." He spoke, even more desperate._

"_I love you so much, you can't leave me." His voice broke._

_It took five men to get Kuon away from Kyoko's body, and it was only thanks to the sedative one of them injected in his arm that they were finally able to do so._

* * *

Kuon sat on the floor of his apartment living room completely motionless.

Empty alcohol bottles were scattered around him.

It was 10PM on a Wednesday, the time and night they had designated for going over their scripts together for the past two months. This was of course just an excuse to see each other.

As the minutes ticked by, over an hour passed of Kuon just staring at the door. He begged with all his heart, willing to give his soul, for a beautiful, honey eyed women to suddenly burst in blushing and stuttering her apologies over being so late.

Another hour passed.

Kuon couldn't even begin to describe the intense, crippling pain he was feeling. It was like someone ripped out his heart and replaced it with a searing ball of lead.

The ache was so unbearable he could barely breathe.

He slowly closed his eyes, something he hadn't done in a while, and leaned his head back against the arm of his couch.

Her beautiful face was all he could see. Her angelic smile. Her molten gold, fiery eyes.

His body began to tremble.

The glass of scotch he was holding fell to the ground, shattering.

He rested his forehead on his knee as hot tears fell.

"Kyoko..." He breathed with all his longing and pain.


	2. Chapter 2

Kuon opened the front door to his apartment. The smell of a home cooked meal quickly assaulted his senses, building a warm sensation inside him.

Setting down his things he set off for the kitchen knowing he'd fine who he was looking for there.

Leaning against the arch of the entrance, eyes transfixed, he watched as the setting sun sent gold beams through the windows bathing the angelic figure occupying the room. Her back was to him as she skillfully maneuvered around the kitchen. A sweet melody hummed from her lips as she worked.

After a minute or two, the delicate beauty turned Kuon's way. The startled look that sprung on her face quickly turned to one of pleasure as she took in the man before her.

"Welcome home." She said softly, a loving smile spread across her face, reaching her eyes.

"I'm home." Kuon replied, his heart turning over at the beautiful sight.

As he approached to take her in his arms a soft gasp escaped from her lips causing him to pause.

"Wait..." she breathed hurriedly.

The silver band delicately wrapped around her finger twinkled as she reached into her apron pocket and pulled out a card-like piece of paper.

A little confused, Kuon took it in his hand and studied it. It took him a moment to comprehend what the picture on it was, but when he did it struck him like lightning.

His head shot up with wide eyes. With a mixed look of shock, hope, and love he searched his wife's face. She was softly biting her lip with nervous excitement as she carefully gauged Kuon's expressions.

"Does this mean..." Kuon whispered, unable to finish his question.

There was no need to, however, as tears started to collect in his wife's honey orbs, and that beautiful smile once again broke out.

Kuon's heart felt like it was going to burst as he scooped his wife up and spun her around. Unable to contain his happiness, he let out a delighted laugh as he set her down and wiped away the liquid crystals that rolled down her cheeks.

"Thank you, Kyoko." He whispered as he held her close, breathing in her intoxicating scent. "I love you so much."

The warmth inside him began to overflow and encase them as he continued to hold her in his arms, never wanting to let go.

**.**

**.**

**.**

Kuon jolted awake. He was covered in sweat and both his head and heart were pounding furiously.

He was alone.

His hands began shaking uncontrollably. Reality came crashing down on him harder than it ever had causing him to gasp at the raw, suffocating pain that cut so deep it made him nauseous.

Stumbling to the bathroom, he barely made it to the toilet before his stomach revolted and expelled it's contents.

The warmth that he had felt in his dream had completely vanished, leaving him cold, empty, and in the dark.

The fierce loneliness that took hold of his body caused his stomach to rebel again.

Choking and gasping for air, his eyes stung as he fought to keep his tears back.

It didn't take long to realize he was going to lose the battle when Kyoko's smiling face flashed through his mind.

His chest burned.

The pounding of his head intensified.

All the energy completely drained from both his body and soul as fell to his knees.

Quiet desperate sobs left his lips as his frame shook violently.

* * *

It escaped no one's attention that the Tsugura Ren had been missing in action ever since the death of the beloved actress, Kyoko, a week ago.

Rumors of the tragic scene spread like a wildfire, leaving no doubt in anyone's mind that Ren had feelings for the late actress.

If there were any, however, they were gently put to rest at the funeral.

After not seeing or hearing anything of Ren Tsugura for over a week, everyone had been a bit surprised to see him in attendance, and though they new the whole ordeal was taking a toll on him, no one was prepared for the state he was in.

He was well dressed and groomed, but he looked much like a man who had his entire world ripped from him.

He was a bit thinner and dark circles had formed beneath his emotionless, tired eyes, which never made contact with anything but the floor and dead space. Everyone could tell that he was fighting with all his might to keep himself upright. And no one had ever seen a more heart wrenching scene than when Kuon's turn arrived to speak at the podium.

As he stepped up on the stage, he stopped in his tracks when a sleek, brown covered casket entered his line of vision.

He could hear his heart beginning to hammer in his ears as he stood frozen.

His entire world felt submerged in water.

Nails digging into his palms, Kuon clenched his hands into tight fists knowing he was drawing blood, and continued his way to the rostrum.

No one had missed his pause, and hearts tightened as they watched him stand at the podium, his eyes never leaving it's flat surface.

That he was desperately trying to keep his pain hidden was very apparent to all.

Kuon didn't know what he was doing. His head felt like it was about to burst and breathing became increasingly difficult. Not once did he lift his eyes. It all felt too real.

She wasn't here anymore.

He was too late.

She would never know how much he loved her. That he was nothing without her.

The cameras missed nothing as Kuon tightly clenched his jaw, his eyes filled pain, and he turned and walked off the stage in complete silence.

Everyone watched soundlessly as LME's president, dressed in a dark suit, met Kuon at the side of the platform. With Kuon's back facing them, they saw him stare at the ground and negatively shake his head. Suddenly, the president pulled him in, resting the young man's head on his shoulder, as Kuon quietly broke down.

.

.

.

Lory couldn't help but think that he may have made a mistake convincing Kuu and Julie to wait a couple more weeks before they came to see Kuon. He had believed that it would have been too much for the young man at the time, thinking what he needed was the space and time to come to terms and cope. However, looking at the broken man as he silently walked off the stage, he realized he may need all the help he can get with this one.

Lory took in the young man before him. Kuon was staring at the ground and began shaking his head with the most tormented look he'd ever seen.

"I-I can't..." Kuon choked out, the rest of his sentence dying on his lips.

Lory's heart broke at the sight and he embraced the man he viewed very much like a son.

"It's okay, Kuon." the older man told him quietly. "You did well."

Kuon's body began to tremble, but he would not let his tears fall.

* * *

Kuon once again sat on the floor of his living room. Much like every night now, he had a bottle of scotch in his hand, not seeing the point in a glass anymore.

He was completely exhausted, but every time he closed his eyes he'd dream of her.

The dreams were always the type that came straight from his fantasies, ones filled with love and warmth. They were also the ones that took everything with them, disappearing into thin air every time he'd wake up. They were the ones that forced him to come to terms with reality in the most hellish way possible. They were the ones that showed him what would never be.

So, wholly and thoroughly terrified, he chose to stay awake, where he had a chance at drowning his reality in scotch and whiskey.

It didn't seem to be working tonight, however. He was half way through his second bottle and the only thing it was accomplishing was to make his mind even more clear.

Frustrated he left the bottles behind and went to take a shower.

In the bathroom, Kuon stared at his reflection in the mirror. Watching his green eyes staring back at him, it was like a switch flipped as crippling anger ran through his body.

'SO IS THIS IT?' Kuon screamed inside his head. 'IS ALL OF THIS PUNISHMENT FOR THE THINGS I'VE DONE AS KUON?' Anger intensifying, his hand shook and his knuckles turned white as he gripped the sides of the bathroom counter.

'HAVE I NOT SUFFERED ENOUGH!'

Unable to control himself, he smashed the mirror with his fist.

Glass went flying.

"I've already lost Rick..." his voice cracked as he whispered defeated.

"Was that really not enough?"

"Am I cursed to suffer this torment for the rest of my life?" he breathed haggardly.

Everything went silent.

Watching as blood rolled down and dripped from his hand, a memory sparked to life.

Tucked away in his closet to be forgotten was the real version of the prop he used in his audition for BJ. The one he had acquired to perfect his performance.

Kuon took a sharp breath and held it to calm his heart as it beat erratically with disturbed excitement.

Closing his eyes, her beautiful face suddenly appeared. He could hear her sweet laughter as tears threatened beneath his closed lids.

"Wait for me, love." he prayed, releasing his breath.

"I'm coming."


End file.
